Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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