so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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