My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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