I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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