so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
