Your tits are I can't wait for
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
