Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize