I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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