Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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