Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
