where am i from again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
