I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
