"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
