Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
