I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
