I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
