hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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