Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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