Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
