I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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