A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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