i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
me + whiskey = a bad person
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
