instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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