I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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