You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
