I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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