I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
