I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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