just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
