I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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