Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
