Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
