im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
