having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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