there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
