Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
