if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
