I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
