The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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