kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
