He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize