Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize