If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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