HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
