I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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