Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
