The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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