Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
