i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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