Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
