there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
