the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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