so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
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