I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
