girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
