moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
