there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
