tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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