We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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