Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize